Can I be honest?

I find that within Christian circles. It’s very rare to meet a group of Christians that is completely transparent with each other.

Jesus said “I’m the way, the TRUTH, and the life” The truth, the reality of our human experience is we’re all sinners. A L L have fallen short of the glory of God. That’s the truth, that’s reality. So, that being the case, we’re imperfect human beings. Why would we not be more open about our shortcomings? Why do we or better yet, I, act as if they don’t exist or others don’t have them as well?

Since I was 18, I’ve had this on going battle with marijuana. I’m now clean, I always thought that was my big problem, doing drugs. If you’ve been a Christian for any amount of time. You know that mentality of ” if I can just get past this, If I can just defeat this, If I can just… God will.. If I can only let this go.. God will love me more.. God will bless me.. God will.. If you’ve been a Christian for any amount of time. You understand that we are being transformed everyday till the day we die. Even the most holy person on this planet still misses it SOMEWHERE.

I always thought marijuana was my ONE thing. But I’ve come to the realization that it’s not. Its something that’s not good for me and by God’s grace he has overcome. I’m realizing there is something deeper within me that marijuana was covering up.

Intimacy, I have been intimate with a woman before. I miss being intimate with a woman. Please understand none of this is a “thirsty” post. But rather a admission of my faults. I was created to be intimate with a woman, that’s truth and that’s reality.

Hear me out on this, I watched Ice Age 3 today. The plot of this movie is, all the ice is melting. The animals must find a new place to live or they will all be dead. Every animal comes together to get to a place of freedom. Their is this character in the movie that I don’t quite understand, But he’ll preach. His name is Scrat. Throughout the movie, the movie will update is on what Scrat is doing. There is one common theme throughout this movie with Scrat. He is chasing a nut. Sometimes, I feel like Scrat, chasing a nut, while the world is in absolute shambles and everything around me is melting and all I care about is getting a nut. What does Scrat do when he finally gets it? Embraces it, holds it, kisses it, then what? Goes out and tries to find another one and stockpile and stockpile and stockpile. Wash, rinse, repeat.

We were created for intimacy, your “nut” could be numerous things. For men, it could be just that.. A nut. For women, I don’t know, purses? Jewelry? Clothing? Why do we chase these things? I want to suggest its because its a lack of intimacy WHERE IT COUNTS. I’ve tried and done many things under the sun. But N O N E of it compares being intimate with God. None of it compares, none of it comes close, none of it can be in the same conversation, none of it is on the same scale.

I hear a common theme in every relationship. “I want them to love me for who I am, accept me for who I was, someone I can pour into, someone I can trust, someone that won’t leave me”. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like every characteristic that God has.

I think we (I) as humans have mistaken sex for intimacy. Yes, sex is intimate. But it can also not be intimate if not performed as designed. If not in its correct place.

I think the deepest parts of our hearts wants to be completely open and exposed and vulnerable to someone without them damaging and hurting us. I think that’s one reason why God tells us to trust in him with all of our hearts, all of our souls, all of our minds. I think that’s one reason God tells to draw near to him and then promises he’ll draw near to us. I think God understands not everyone is out here looking to take care of your heart. I think God understands that some of us are Scrat.

I think if our intimacy is in its correct place, We’re good, God is inexhaustible, you can get as much of him as you want. But it’s not easy, it doesn’t just happen. You gotta seek him, you gotta know him and his word.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Psalm 23:1-6

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